Welcome to TAR 3. I am your host, Loser Kim who did not realize this was her week. Damn CBS for that schedule change which totally confused me. I didn’t take notes, although I did watch the show, because like a train wreck, I cannot pass it by.

So, here is the off-the-top-of-her-head, facts-may-be-erroneous summary of last week’s episode of TAR 3. I cheated and used the CBS site for some specifics.

There were cheers and tears as the Will and Grace wannabes were FINALLY eliminated and the most. annoying. team. ever. moved into first. LOOSE THE HAT IAN. (sorry, I can’t help myself).

Our players begin their day in the Moroccan city of Fez, then head to Casablanca. At this point thousands of viewers are surprised to learn that these are really cities—TAR, our own little geography lesson. The directions say DRIVE and amazingly, all of them do.

It’s all about the brothers as they leave—the three fraternal duos exit and hang together—Guns and Hoses freely admitting that they need the help of the other two groups. A little further back. FloZac and John Jill hit the road—also together, but with much less of the anti-twin sentiment than we have seen in previous episodes. The team everyone loves to hate, Teri and Jackass, leaves in this pack. Through editing, we are led to believe that AA isn’t too far behind, maybe they still have a chance, etc. They are screwed from the minute they leave 90 minutes behind the others because they are not resourceful and they are annoying. If that didn’t cinch it for us all, this quote does: "We did entertain the notion last night that perhaps it was all over for us, but we're still totally in it, and we have a lot more to give to this race." Bye-bye.

Blah, blah, blah—they end up in Casablanca. Zip, zoom through the pretty shots—they find the marker and grab their clues in typical fashion and find that they must head off on a train for another 150 mile trek to Marrakech. Then from there, take a cab to an oasis called The Palmarie (which several of them cannot pronounce if memory serves me correctly). Anyone who has ever seen an episode of TAR knows that now AA does stand a slight chance of catching up because there are two excellent bunching up opportunities ahead. But, we can still dream, eh?

John Jill discovers a twist in TAR when their car breaks down. Turns out if it dies through no fault of your own (note to the diesel dummies), then it will be replaced for you. So, while they wait, Teri and Jackass weasel their way into a fourth place race with FloZac. And yet again, Jackass proves himself worthy of his many nicknames. He throws an oh-so-mature fit over a cabbie and berates his poor wife (wake up Teri) when she suggests they get off the highway. I can’t quote him because in my mind all I was hearing when I watched the vid clip was “Blah, blah, blah, I am a jackass, blah, blah, blah.” Thousands of viewers are surprised to learn that anyone has this much self restraint (raise your hand right now if you would tell Jackass to take the map and shove it up his own highway).

The fraternity makes it to the first train, leaving FloZack et al to wait for the next train. Great debate among those remaining about whether or not to use the fast forward. Flo is inclined to do so, then Zack convinces her to wait. Jackass want to use the FF because the poor baby is tired—yelling and insulting must burn a lot of energy, eh? The former anti-twin teams decide to use their Survivor knowledge and play Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who should go for the FF against Teri and Jackass. John Jill wins and goes, despite my screaming at the television that they shouldn’t waste their time AA is still MILES behind them. They don’t hear me, but they also don’t win the FF and waste it. Teri and Jackass search through a butt load of carpets and proceed to the pitstop. Thousands of viewers are relieved that they do not have to watch Jackass offend yet another country and his wife again. Move on already.

The fraternity does the detour which involves ATV riding—oh, wait Sand Bikes actually. Or horses. Once you reach the destination via an unmarked trail, you make a rubbing of a giant rock which has the next destination on it—parts must be translated. Ken and Gerard are the only ones who try the horse and they end up on the ATVs, er SandBikes. FloZac sees them and offers money because Flo doesn’t want to get dirty or work too hard. Turns out Flo and Zack have tons of money and K and G have very little—wonder who has been spending money on food? (Zack could have dropped a few bucks on a new do—the Screechlike ponytail/hair thing is getting very very old). For $30, FloZac learns to take the ATVs...duh,. and K and G go off to eat.

Teri and Jackass win the leg. I am thrilled that they only win dinky digital cameras and not some good cruise or vacation. Jackass doesn’t need another trip on which to verbally abuse his wife and those around him.

Off to Café Glacier which doesn’t open its rooftop until 4:45. Thousands of viewers are not surprised in the least that the whole gang, minus Jackass and Terri and AA, bunches up at the door. Once atop, they discover a Roadblock. Phil has to tell us once again what a Roadblock is (raise your hand if you find this incredibly annoying as well). This time, they have to sell 5 bowls of escargot—a favorite food of the Moroccans. Ick, eeeew, blech.

In the plaza, they peddle their snails. Despite it being a crowd favorite, the natives don’t exactly rush the salesmen. The tasty (not) delicacy sells for less than 50 cents American which should have any number of chi-chi gourmets in this country wondering wtf the darn things are so pricey here.

Step right up, get your snails right here….They fight for customers. Evidently the Wonder Twin could not figure out how to form himself as a vendor—he came in dead last. Guns and Hoses finished first, followed by John, Jill, GK, and then FloZac. They race like mad to the pitstop in cabs.

Here is where it gets odd and I was not paying attention closely enough because the kids were running around like mad and I had forgotten it was my turn to do the &*^$%# summary…but, Guns and Hoses’ cabbie takes them off to the middle of NOWHERE and they are detained. Drama, drama, drama—but look at the clock and you realize that it can’t be too dramatic because it is almost the end. Editing makes you think they were there for hours, but in the end, you see it wasn’t qute so because…..

AA is STILL in last place. Never before has 90 minutes been so far behind. It might as well have been 24 hours...oh, wait that was the cheerleader and his Daddy. Well, they might as well have been in another country---oh, wait, that was the Goofy Grannies. To their credit, AA keeps on fighting….they could have just shacked up in a hotel…oh, wait that was Michael and Kathy. Or they could have just caught a cab…okay, you get the idea.

In the end, the whiny, petty, jealous couple brings up the rear. Not that John Jill and Guns and Hoses didn’t TRY to give it to them once again with the car trouble and the detention…I half expected someone else to do something stupid so that these two could squeak by yet again, but blessedly, they were axed. Now, if Jackass could just get lost…..

Next week:

Copied straight from the CBS website:

As Teams race from Morocco to Germany and Austria, one Team member finds another Team's lost clue, then feels betrayed when they refuse to provide help later in return (I hope someone betrays Jackass)

During a critical train ride, a Team oversleeps and misses their stop, sending the unwitting Team in the wrong direction (If it is Jackass, you can bet he will blame it on Teri).

A flat tire grounds one Team during a desperate race to the Pit Stop (probably Jackass—maybe he put water in the tires instead of air).

Multiple apologies! I swear I will do better next time!