Last week on the Amazing Race – The teams went to Mexico and the soccer moms got booted off. I’d like to thank the production staff for giving us a recap of Heave falling out of the cart. I laughed just as hard as last week.Now onto this week. We begin tonight’s episode with a race to The Pyramid of the Sun. The Bald Brothers have a 2 ½ hour lead on everyone else thanks to their Fast Forward. However, apparently they didn’t watch the first two TAR’s and note that all landmarks open at 7 am! Hope you enjoyed your lead, fellas.
Zach & Flo and Michael and Aaron & Arrianne decide to hook up on for the trip to the pyramid. They have decided, for some reason, that “Four people working with a map is better than two.” Huh? Don’t you have to take two separate cars? I don’t get it.
A few more boring teams set off. Michael and Kathy mention that they have been long distance dating for a year and a half. Now that is a one night stand gone WAY wrong! Andrew and Dennis set off as well. Dad mentioned that this race is “A father’s dream.” This is his new dream now that the dream his son being ANTHING but a cheerleader has been dashed.
Andre and Damon emerge from the hotel, saying that they “Overslept”, or, as Phil calls it “Sustained a 90 minute time penalty for not reading a map.” Oh… I …. So want to say something… can’t help my self: Hmmm, a cop and a fireman that can’t read a map. ‘Git up, ah git git down. 911 is a joke in yo’ town.’ Ah, oldschool Public Enemy. What? Oh right… the summary! Ok…
It appears there is an alliance of everyone against the Tom Cruise Twins. This alliance begins with the very clever move of absolutely NO ONE ELSE going for the Fast Forward, guaranteeing that the Twins will arrive in first place. Well done all, the alliance is working great.
Everyone makes their way to the Pyramid of the Sun and climbs to the top for the next clue. (Drink if you’re playing the TAR drinking game, not a single team looked around at what is one of the most amazing ancient civilization locations in the world!) Next stop: Mexico City. The race to the Bus Station begins for the leading teams.
Andre and Damon make up major time by kidnapping a hotel porter and forcing him to sit in their van and give them directions. They make it to the pyramid before Andrew&Dennis and the Oldies Terri&Ian. They mention that “Seeing the dejection on their faces, it was hot!!!” Uh, ok, whatever gets you going…
The twins do the Fast Forward, hanging off a pole and slowly lowering themselves to the ground. They celebrate their achievement by changing into matching Gingham sleeveless T-shirts. Please god, let them never do well in another challenge, those shirts are giving me a migraine!
Back at the bus station, there is a crazy fight to get 6 teams onto the first bus to Cancun, leaving at 10 am. Heave makes in on a the last second with their fabulous command of Spanish: “Kay Noomero Kay Board Kankun?”, followed by “us working the hysterical crying” (prompting my hysterical gagging).
On bus number two, there’s a problem. A big problem. Because this is a 24 hour bus ride, the camera men for all teams on this bus decided to take a nap, and missed being awake for the bus/car crash. Now the production team for TAR have to spend extra money on fake “car crash” sound effects and multiple shots of the smashed car. The teams have to wait half an hour for another bus, giving the TAR staff time to fire all the camera men and hire new ones.
On to Cancun. And you know what Cancun is all about. That’s right, camera footage of topless chicks in cabs! Oh yeah! I don’t even think the cabbie made Aaron and Arrianne pay for that ride. Of course he couldn't get out of the cab to help them with their bags as he couldn't...uh...stand up, if you know what I mean.
Teams arrive at the detour – take a Waverunner or a kayak to find a clue in a blue lagoon (Brook Shields not included). Uh oh, Gay Baldie Joke Alert: Gay baldie tells straight baldie “I’m the Queen of the Nile!” (snicker). Teams get the clue, one way or another and the teams or on their way to a ferry to Cozumel.
The second set of teams to arrive at the detour include the ill-fated Tramel and Talicia. The first time they fall off the waverunner it’s very very funny. But they are so good natured and supportive of each other that it gets sort of hard to laugh by the third or fourth time. Lucky, humour returns when Terri and Ian fall off their waverunner. Laughter turns to horror, however, as Terri tries to get back on. Good god, is she not wearing any shorts? Is that a 50 year old naked butt… oh, thank the lord, it’s flesh coloured shorts. Whew! Still Terri, flesh coloured shorts? Yikes!
The baldies miss the first ferry to Cozumel because gay baldie is dragging his feet. Gay Baldie Joke Alert 2. Straight baldie tries to encourage gay baldie to run faster by yelling “Come on, we’re trying to catch a fairy!” (ok, he may have said ‘ferry’ but who can tell! snicker snicker...)
Road Block time in Cozumel: Swim with the Fishes. (ok, dolphins!). Everyone seems to rock at this except Michael, who, trying to impress Kathy, forgets that actually “I can’t swim!”. When he finally gets the clue and gets out, Kathy rewards him with a hearty “You did…uh… good.” Also amusing was the fact that Damon had to use a flutterboard to get around the dolphin pool. If the clues says that you’re going to swim, and the guy who needs a flutterboard decides to do it, you’ve gotta wonder what kind of swimmer the other one is! (Oh please, please TAR producers, make a swimming challenge for two next time!).
The episode ends, as many do with fake suspense. Tramel does the dolphin road block in the dark, yet we are supposed to believe that they might actually beat Terri and Ian to the mat. Sadly, the oldies beat them there, although they have to suffer through Phil asking them if they think they can do this. Come on Phil, don’t beat around the bush! Tell them they're too old! T&T, which much poise and grace, admit defeat when they come in last and are eliminated. It’s a shame really, I think they could have kicked butt. Ah well.
So, the twins are in first place. And next week, on TAR, it’s an all out war to oust the twins as “The Twin-hunt continues.” Let’s just hope they all try as hard as they did this episode (idiots, all of you! What do they pay you for?). And apparently “Some teams take desperate measures” including running down the twins with tanks! Oh yeah, this is going to be good!
“Run you preppy b*tches, run!”
