Previously on Survivor, Tanya puked, Suckies caught crabs, Chewies got lost, Tanya puked, Helen came face to face with a snake, Stephanie ta-ta’s got cold, Tanya puked, Chewies lost the challenges, Tanya puked, Jed continued to be lazy freaking lazy, and Chewies voted off Tanya (before she could puke again).

Cut to the Chewie Luv Tribe

Ghandia (in confessional): I love Ted he makes me all warm inside (ah now that’s what you call foreshadowing!)

Cut to the Suckie Hate Tribe

Ken: Jed is lazy freaking lazy

AirN: Oh Ken, oh Keeennn

Cut to the play fort.

bP: I’m worried I messed up the last challenge

egJ: Don’t worry I’ve got a plan.

bP: What kind of plan?

egJ: Don’t worry your cute little blue bikini over it dear, and come a little closer lil Jake is ready to play again.

Cut to dumb, dumber, and dumbest cooking snails on the beach.

dumb: If we stay fed and healthy we will all the challenges.

dumber: Maybe we should try and find someone else to be on our side.

dumbest: Dudes this beach like rocks!

Cut to confessional area:

Shii Ann: Jake came on to me last night, I think he wants me to join with him in an alliance, either that or he just wants to show me his horn.

Tree Mail

Here’s the mail it never fails
It makes me want to shake my tail
When it comes I want to wail MALE

(Oops wrong song)

Jeffy at a really confusing maze like challenge explains it all. Welcome survivors today we have a challenge where we will allow the contestants to steal, strangle, and attack each other. To make things interesting, it has been specifically geared so that the tribe with the former NFL player hintTEDHint can stand in the middle and beat up on little girls. Contestants, Ready, Go!

Chaos and mayhem ensues as Sucky gets off to an early lead. 8-3 Suckies, when a Jeffy takes control.

Jeff: Ken you looked at me wrong your out of the game.

Ken: Jed is lazy freaking lazy

Jeff: What?

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

dumbest: Dude what are you talking about

Jeff: You too Robb, back talking.

dumbest: WTF Dude?

Jeff: Jed, you’re out too.

dumb: What did I do?

Jeff: Chewie wins! The Red Beret will be at your camp for 24 hours to get your asses in shape so we don’t have to rig any more challenges you loosers.

Suckies back at camp.

dumbest: That challenge was so rigged Dude

dumb: We need more food to keep up our strength, that way we won’t loose anymore challenges.

egJ: Can you believe how Jed cost us that challenge?

bP: I thought it w..

Ken: Jed is lazy freaking lazy

AirN: Oh Ken you’re so smart.

Cut to Chewy Camp confessionals area

Ghandia: Last night I threw myself at Ted, and he (holding back tears), he refused me. Then this morning while he’s half asleep he starts thinking I’m a $10 whore. Everyone knows I’m worth twice that!

Cut to

Ted: Last night Gdiva was like getting real friendly with me, it was the first night I really missed my wife (if you knew her you’d understand). Anyway it’s been a while since I’ve gotten any with the baby and all, and while Ghandia isn’t all that, she does remind me of several girls who work down on 18th street.

Cut to

Ghandia: I feel so used. Just because I stick my ta-ta’s in your face or move your hand between my thigh doesn’t give you the right to do that! Especially when I’m trying to sleep, did I ever mention I’m not a morning person?

Cut to

Ken: Jed is lazy freaking lazy

Cut to

Ted: Well I was having this dream, and in it Ghandia was actually attractive.

Cut to

Ghandia: Ted will pay for this, at the very least my usual fee.

Cut to Red Berets in a boat

RB1: So were not letting them think we speak English right?

RB2: No way! Much easier to convince them the monkey poop is edible that way.

RB1: <evil laughter>

Cut to Sucky

dumb: (waking up realizing everyone is laying around too) Who’s watching the net?

dumbest: (stretching) Hey Dude, where’s your Frisbee.

dumber: I’m not the target this episode so I’m not really needed, I’ll be in the trailer showing unclecameraman my ta-ta’s

egJ: (to the group) That boy did it this time, he lost the net

Shii: He should go, cause if its not him its me

Ken: Jed is lazy freaking lazy

AirN: Oh Ken

egJ: Maybe we shouldn’t throw the next challenge before he does something that really hurts us.

Cut to Penny in confessional

bP: I had wanted to align with the cute dental stud, but the horny old man will have to do. I just hope no one finds out I cut the fishing net loose BWAAHAAAHAA

Cut to Chewie

Ghandia: Hey Jan, Helen we need to talk.

Helen: Spit it out

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Jan: Did I ever teach you two the speckled frog song?

Ghandia: Ted tried to put some moves on me

Helen: He’s always scared me

Jan: Two green and speckled frogs..

Ghandia: I want him gone next TC

Helen: I want him gone now

Jan: sitting on a speckled log

Ghandia: So I can count on your support

Helen: Amen sista

Jan: eating the most delicious bugs, yum yum

Cut to Brian, Ted, and Clay alone in the water

Brian: I was noticing your technique last night. Arch the back a little more to makes it look more “real”

Ted: How do you know these things?

Brian: Used Car Salesmen have to be good at faking things

Ted: Oh

Clay: Ted, can you spank my ass tonight!

Cut to challenge

Jeff, ok here it is, move the pile of crap from one platform to another, Sucky if you look like you’re even close to winning I’ll disqualify someone. Contestants ready, Go.

dumb: It’s a mental challenge, we’re screwed

egJ: You don’t know the half of it son

dumber: whatever you say, this isn’t my episode

dumbest: Dude I rock as mental challenges

Cut to Sucky TC

Jeff: Jed, do you have any last words?

dumb: huh? Shii Ann is going tonight. I have a deal with Penny and Jake

bP: Sorry Jeb, you just don’t know how to please a needy girl, it’s the money, and you ain’t getting it.

Ken: Jed is lazy freaking lazy

dumbest: Hey dude can we vote I’m missing my skateboard.

HawkEye
Nothing can hide from the eye of a HAWK, especially a lame summary for a lame episode
what else was I going to do on a slow Monday morning