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SURVIVOR MARQUESAS EPISODE SUMMARIES
EPISODE 7: "Truthful Lies, Naked Thighs, and Angry Guys" - By 'HawkEye'

A D V E R T I S E M E N T
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
**Be advised, this summary contains adult language, sexual situations, partial nudity, made up plotlines, over the top humor, and other general purpose bashing, reader discretion is advised**

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Ok if you aren’t discouraged yet then go ahead and read it, but don’t say I didn’t warn you

SurvivorBlows Official Summary
Survivor Marquesas: Episode 7 – Truthful Lies, Naked Thighs, and Angry Guys

Day18 – Looser Lodge

Our scene opens in the looser lodge. Gabe and “Stinky Jimmy” entertaining themselves in one corner, a picture of Peter is propped on a chair in the opposite corner. Sarah margarita in hand dressed in a sleek black dress nervously paces looking over the edge of the balcony. Pat walks out chip firmly on shoulder sniffing, “Good Lord it stinks out here”, glaring at Pete’s pic. Gabe tucking the teddy out of site nervously greets Pat, “hi, Mamma isn’t it a lovely evening”.

“Stow it goldilocks, between Mr Hole-i and that bear of yours this whole place smells like ass, and I’m sick of it.”

Gabe standing strategically between Pat and Jimmy, “Now, Pat”

Sarah interrupting, “can’t we all get along. I mean it might be Rob tonight and then..”

Pat more annoyed than ever, “what are you talking about, you ignorant floatation wearing bimbo?”

Clueless of the slight Sarah continues dreamily, “Oh Rob, Rob he might be voted off and then we will be.. together”

“Didn’t you hear the production assistant tell us that Maraamu lost immunity! Rob is part of Rotu now. He can’t be voted off” Pat continued exasperated.

Sarah slightly taken back, “well he could be couldn’t he” looking and pleading to each person. Pausing most hopefully at Pete the Picture.

Gabe consoles Sarah while watching Pat closely. “It’s okay they will get him next time. He really is a lazy good for nothing and I’m sure the others will see that soon enough.”

“What if they don’t though, what if he makes the.. the..”, tears welling in her eyes as she blurts out “merge”.

Hunter enters overdressed and smelling of cheap cologne enters the balcony. “Is she here yet?”

Pat smiles at Hunter. “Hunter dear could you get me some more sunscreen?”

“Pat it’s almost dark. If I didn’t know better I would think you get off on me feeling you up.”

“Oh no! It’s just I’m more susceptible to burning late in the day. Honest.” Sheepishly batting her eyebrows as she leaves to get the lotion.

Gabe still consoling Sarah, looks up. “So you think it will be Gina I see.”

“None of your business Mr. Free Love Freak and stay away from my girl once she gets here.”

“Why all the hostility dude!”

“I am an Alpha Male and my only hope to control the ever increasing harem of women is to kill you”, waving his hand towards Pete’s picture then adding, “nothing personal honest.”

“Look I’m not here to play the game.”

Hunter pausing looking him over, “Ok, if you really want to get on my good side then you put on the sunscreen when Momma returns.”

“On second thought..”

Sarah realizing Hunter is here, “you tell them, you tell them it COULD be Rob!”

“Nope, not happening tonight. Gina will be here and then I can ditch the rest of you losers.”

Sobbing, “How do you know!”

“Wanda the Gossip Goddess reported Gina and I have an looser lodge romance before we even left the states. I strategize my whole game around it.”

"Noooo" cries Sarah as we,

Pan to the opening credits..

Previously on Survivor, John proclaims himself a Marquesian God, John lies to Rob, Rob lies to John, MuMu commits tribicide by putting Kathy in charge of a challenge (again), Gina refuses to try and save herself, Neleh, Paschal, and Kathy lie to Gina, and Gina is voted out of the tribe in a shocker (yeah right!).

Day 19 NuMu camp

Kathy yelling, “hey tribe it’s a dead body!” So that’s what they did with Peter!
Paschal poking at it “unbelievable!”
Kathy voice over narration “so we find this PiPi, which is a ceremonial burial place where they took unsuspecting member of their tribe out, clubbed them to death, eat them and bury what’s left in a wall. The only thing we couldn’t figure out is how clean those lazy MuMu’s got Peter’s body. It was down to the bone and looked like it had been there for years. I guess they were hungry.”
Neleh with #1 of her obligatory three lines, “Let’s dig it up and take it home for souvenirs”
Cut to Kathy just in time to save the producers yet another lawsuit for disturbing the ancient resting place of some nice cannibal’s lunch.
“You know I’m so glad we voted Gina off, after all if we didn’t I think it would have been me. You know Neleh and Paschal are like attached at the hip, and it only disturbs me because I’m closer to Paschal’s age and no one is fawning all over me like that.” Starting to cry, “I have needs too you know. I am braless here me cry!” All right, all right, I made that last part up, NO not the braless thing unfortunately! The “I have needs” one, it’s called forepla erhm wrong word, it’s called foreshadowing or something kinda like that.

Cut to Rotu camp

Rob in confessional stating the obvious truths for the first of many times this episode with his stellar observation of, “this is a tribe of morons” and then the soon to be classic “I’ve just about had it with these people.” Well Rob hate to tell you this, but I think the feelings mutual on both counts! Next he adds his Vee is such a fake person to me, WAIT WAIT WAIT, who is this Vee person? Oh, never mind I’m sure it’s not important and here comes the mountain comment. You remember, the sometimes you climb a mountain, sometimes you go around a mountain, but Rob’s decided a new strategy which goes something like this “if I dig a big enough hole the mountain will fall in on top of me and then, well then, well.. I’ll think of some other failed strategy.”

Cut to MuMu camp

It’s a challenge, lets see what is says:

Blah blah blah Reward
Blah blah blah choose wisely
Blah blah blah wear pants
Blah blah blah you have 5 minutes

Ok I wonder who the MuMu will pick. Golly gee the suspense is killing me. Oh who could it be, who could it be.

Neleh ever the one to state the obvious gets line #2 out quickly by pointing out, “One of us will have to leave.” Wow she can count! Who knew!

Cut to Rotu

Tammy reading the same blah blah. “We have to send someone, who wants to go?” You know this was one of the funniest moments of the whole show. I know I can’t do it justice but here you have the mighty Rotu 4 alliance, with John the Marquesian God, self proclaimed leader of all things Rotu staring with the dumbest expression on his face with everyone looking to him for divine guidance and right here in the moment of truth the silence, is deafening. Finally from the back of the set in his best Ahnold voice the Rob the Terminator pipes up, “I vulenteer”. WHEW! The silence is broken and all the Rotu 4 rejoice in the choice. The chants start immediately and with a passion, “Rob, Rob, he’s our man if he doesn’t come back we still have Sean and Vee”.

Intermix scenes of Rob and Kathy packing for their adventure in what is supposed to be 5 minutes. Whatever! Kathy, yelling, “I’ll need a grapefruit, some pants, a clean pair of undies (after all you never know), a 2 pound skillet, Paschal’s American flag, a souvenir bone from Peter’s body, 3 mango’s, 5 hugs, a jar of no-no lotion, etc.” Rob yelling “give me a knife”, as the evil grin comes onto the Rotu-W4ore. Sometime later, both are seen leaving camp. With well wishes from all including a strange comment from Sean that I interpreted as “there goes one handsome guy” which I find immensely disturbing for some reason.

Cut to more poignant Rob comments. “I volunteered because those moron’s couldn’t make up their mind. It’s a good thing they didn’t really have a timer on us or we would have been so screwed. I mean those morons looked at each other trying to decide who should go for 4 minutes as it was.” Ok so that wasn’t exactly what he said, but hey when they don’t say interesting things my artistic license says I can make it up, and if it doesn’t well screw it, this is the only episode I’m writing anyway!

Cut to the meeting place. Some old structure that Rob and Kathy both arrive at the very same time. Imagine the luck! Ok from the expression on his face I wonder how many hours Rob was waiting for the directionally challenged one. Oh there is Jeff, wow looks like they found the right place! Jeffy tells them this is a Kamuahe Tahua Timbo No Sa Rimbo.. ok I kinda lost what he was talking about, but I gather it was another sacred place to have some ugly American tourist’s come and desecrate. Anyway for Survivor purposes I think whatever this place was, it was temporarily turned into a pizza parlor/brothel for the evening. There is Jeff with the pizza and sponsor time, 30 Coor’s Light, just what a young construction worker and a middle-aged real estate agent need to break the ice and share a bed. Whoo Hoo MB finally has hit upon the perfect plan to add a little sex to his program. Even if it is from a rather unlikely and rather unattractive source!
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Ok there is a lot of info here, and for completeness sake I feel I should mention a couple of things before we get to the really fun parts. Here is the gist of it. They are the ambassadors to create a new merged tribe. They get to name it. Make a flag for it. They also get to be the bearers of the new “pretty in pink” buffs. Oh and they have secret instructions to destroy one of the camps in the morning. Whoo Hooo more pillage, I can’t wait!

Ok now for the fun part. Since they never have met and there are so many issues that need to be discussed Rob sets out to spin a nice web of truths about the Rotu lies. That is the truth according to Rob who in confessional admits yet another poignant comment, “She doesn’t know if I’m telling the truth or lying, just like I don’t know, just like nobody knows”. Gosh Rob when your dealing with a specific that you were a part of don’t you think YOU should know?

Included in the truths are the RoFour’s planned alliance to remove the StupidMu’s first, you remember the one where John promises to Sean and Rob if they play nice and help him kill the Golden child (which allows him to become a Marquesian God) they get to be no better than 5th. Well this is of course is just shocking to Kathy the eye bulger, after all the thought that people might actually be playing the game instead of having a campout is simply inconceivable (as if it was somehow unethical to PLAY the game.. where does MB get these contestants?!?) This disturbing news also comes with the revelation that Zoe (who Kathy feels is her best bud from before) is ready to take her sorry butt out first opportunity she has. Ah more foreshadows, look if you squint and hold your fingers just right it looks like a bunny rabbit oh wait maybe that is shadow puppets.

Anyway, not to be outdone in the over sharing, Kathy decides to tell Rob that although she had never met him she firmly believed he was a lazy, backstabbing, bum that didn’t care about anyone or anything. To which Rob just nods in agreement, and asks her to get him another beer while she’s up. Eventually the alcohol kicks in and an unholy alliance is formed between the two that unfortunately for the family viewer at home culminated in Kathy dropping her pants and bending over, at which time things either got to hot for network TV or Rob passed out. I was hoping the latter, but the next morning quotes of, “It was so quick”, “I basically saw another Sarah in her for me”, and “you going to remember this in the morning” tend to make the think otherwise.

Finally we get a last confessional from the Robster in which he reveals the most shocking statement ever uttered in this series “I’ve been lying the whole game” NO SHIT! Rob, I think we have hit upon the weakness in you strategy, for I do believe that ever person on the island knows this too.

Thank the Marquesian God’s it’s time for our first commercial break, I think I need a shower!

Day19 – Looser Lodge

Gabe caressing Jimmy, talking to Pete’s picture, “you know Pete, I’m starting to like you. You don’t say that much but I almost think you’re the only normal person here. Although I do kinda like Gina when her tongue is not down Hunter’s throat, and my Mom’ she would love her. She always had a soft spot for women who could spit.”

No answer from Pete’s picture.

Day 20 – At the REAL Love Shack

Rob and Kathy the morning after. Rob obviously unable to count past four comes up with the brilliant strategy of hey “lets not tell anyone else about our pact”. Kathy playing along agrees responding “what pact”. With this they are off to destroy the MuMu camp hangover in tow. Upon arriving an unseen and unspoken 5 minute clock appears in Kathy’s head and they come running and screaming to pack it all up we got 5 minutes to rape and pillage the village. A gleam in Paschal’s eye tells the fact the first part won’t be necessary, and after much Kathy screaming and more work than Rob has done since he got there the dastardly deed is done. Rob, mathematical genius he is, points out “there’s only four of us and we did it”. Hey Rob ever hear the old adage it’s easier to destroy the Beach than it is to watch that horrid DiCaprio film.

Finally out of breath and stinking of beer Kathy and Rob tell Neleh and Paschal the sorted details of the night before. Well all that they can remember, which primarily consists of “here have a pink buff” and “what was the name of the Marquesian Idol I peed on?” Then through the miracle of TeeVee (and a forklift) the raft of crap is dumped in the water, and our four new tribe mates embark on their journey back to Rotu beach.

Upon arrival Kathy, with her new found knowledge of the evil deeds that have done, does her best imitation of John the God of Paranoia. In confessional she admits to being somewhat aloof, which I think is French-Polanesian for saying she gave her former brethren no reason not to vote her sorry behind off the first opportunity they can.

Then we are treated to the masterwork of the previous nights bender and the magic marker hack job Rob and Kathy did on the new flag. The revealing of the name of the new tribe gives us yet another opportunity at humor as Rob tries in vain to read what they wrote on the ugly flag only to finally realize it was upside down at which time he proclaims the new tribe as Soliantu which means something along the lines of “Sacred allegiance to the Sun”, which is misinterpreted by Veesus at the prayer to be Son not Sun, but hey it sure is nice to see the name of God used in vain yet again. Amen brothers and sister.

Meanwhile Robert who from here on out will be deemed with one or more of the following Generalisimo Robbie the Pink, complains about what real men wear and the fact that it doesn’t match the rest of his attire. Hey Pinkie, I think you might have some more things to worry about than that!

In voiceover, Kathy complains about the undertow or underwear or something she is feeling from her old tribe mates. Then in confessional admits to not understanding how these people can be her friend and still want to vote her off the next tribal council. Sorry Kath but I really don’t understand what is so hard about this concept, but I suppose settles the whole Gina argument doesnt it. FYI, it’s called the GAME which if you were playing you might see that someone has to go and if you don’t start working on your alliance with Neleh and Paschal you will be gone soon enough and perhaps at the looser lodge you can figure it out with the other sheep.

We interrupt this summary for gratuitous nudity this time from Tammy as she does her best to fall out of her clothing, which might be worth rewinding the tape except almost immediately we are “treated” to Kathy the braless jiggler and it ruins whatever cheap thrills you might think you just got. Ok now that that is out of the way we can return to regularly scheduled summary.

Oh wait what is this? It is Kathy and Paschal coming together to brainstorm and strategize OMG there is hope! Come on Kath make your best case. “Hey Paschal I’m on the chopping block and I don’t like it. I’m being played the fool here and so are you and your little lover.” Paschal more than skeptical says “I’ll check into it Kath, but please don’t draw attention to yourself or you will be next.” Paschal in confessional “Kathy is a moron and intent upon drawing attention to herself. I don’t thinks that is such a good idea right now.” Way to go Kathy. *sigh* Here was your chance to save yourself and instead you make your best ally think you’re the one with issues.

Cut to Kathy, at lunch “tell me the truth people cause I can’t stand the suspense.” Everyone looking anywhere but at her, Rob in a state of shock, and the first of several tense moments left in this lovely episode.

Cut to Tammy in confessional. Intermixed with more gratuituous almost nudity of her getting her half a breast showing naked back massaged by Neleh, a new doo from Veesus the Invisible, all the while curling up to the Robfadder since he is a real man and doesn’t fear the pink. Where she outlines the truth about this game called survivor, which can be summed up in the following “it’s a game where you have to lie, and you do the best you can not to lie, but if you're going to play the game to win you're going to have to lie, and that is that. I’m here to win.” Duly noted Ms Cornrow, finally we might be seeing someone who isn’t afraid of doing what it takes to win this game. How refreshing, now if you could just grow an interesting personality I might be able to root for you.

On that high note we interrupt the good karma to present yet another commercial for some creepy half-ass CBS melodrama staring Ted Danson and his wife. Geesh where is celebrity boxing when you need it!

Day 20 – Looser Lodge

Sarah wandering aimlessly on the deck, bumps the chair where Pete’s picture is sending crashing to the ground. “There there now Pete, let me help you up.” Starring at the picture flips it around and sets it facing the chair, “You really mustn’t get so much sun on your face it’s not good.” Patting the back of the picture frame.

Day 21 – Sunny Side Egg Tribe

Rob in voiceover. Well I can tell from the other day at lunch Kathy is ratting me out so I’m going to have to shake things up a bit more. Since Zoe is like her best friend and can’t lie worth a damn its time to play my hand even if I only have a pair of deuces. All right so he didn’t actually come out and say that, but I read it in his face that he would have said it given the proper scripting.

Cut to confrontation scene #2, Zoe with half the camp in her arms, Kathy with the other half walk up the trial, where the Robfather waits in ambush. With a disarming goofy grin he asks for a parlay in the woods. With Kathy as jury, Rob as prosecutor, and Zoe as the liar, the inquisition begins.
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Rob: Where were you the night Gabe disappeared
Zoe: What?
Rob: See Kathy, she’s already lying, of course she was at the TC with the rest of us.
Zoe: What is your point?
Rob: Just answer the questions, now who wanted Gabe snuffed out?
Zoe: Why are you asking me?
Rob: You voted for him didn’t you?
Zoe: <pause> well..
Rob: The vote was 7-1 and Gabe couldn’t vote for himself, do you wish to reconsider?
Zoe: <looking uncomfortable>
Rob: No need to answer, now who are you planning on voting tonight?
Zoe: <hostile> None of your business
Rob: What are you hiding Zoe?
Zoe: I don’t like your tone and I don’t need to answer to you
Rob: So do you deny that you told me last week that the next person to be voted off would be <pause for effect> KATHY!
Zoe: <pause> No I don’t know where you got that
Rob: <mocking> You paused AND you LIED, I rest my case.

Kathy walking off in disgust, muttering “I don’t know what this stupid game is about”. At which point I paused the tape and wrote the quote penciling in besides the word understatement.

Cut to Kathy floating in the pond, and just when you thought something good happened she starts talking again. Uttering such gems as “Zoe’s lying to me, all of them are lying to me”, and “I’m a pawn in this game”. Hey Kath I hate to break this to you but if you’re not playing the game, then someone is playing you, and unlike some of the others you ain’t playing. Finally she leaves us with the brilliant observation that “I must win immunity or I’m being voted out”. Well Rob, you succeeded in converting the paranoid one and now you have someone else who is convinced they must win immunity when you’re the one who needs it the most. Great move!

Cut to challenge beach, where there are ten floating box tops with each of their names on it. Jiffy tells us that there is no more team immunity, but from here on out individual immunity is at stake. The object is to bob in the surf on the box top until something other than your feet touch the box. Take your lids, survivors ready, setty, goey. Oh the suspense is killing you isn’t it. Who could possible be the first to go? Well in short order the non-contenders emerge with Nehell the Curser, Pink Robbie, Paschal the Jurist, and Veesus going down quick. The only surprise thus far is Angry Black Man who up to this point has been rather invisible actually appears to be trying to win something. Good thing there isn’t any rowing involved! Oh wait spoke to soon there goes the ABM, to the cheers of the Rotu faithful. Now comes the part of the summary for the final Neleh quote and fittingly it comes from Paschal instead when he teases her on the shore by pointing out that “I heard you say crap when you went in.” Neleh grins, but knows that now she will likely be subjected to a soap mouth rinse when she returns and will only be worthy as a second wife to an old geezer, hey Paschal you looking to convert and move to a remote part of Utah?

Ok now lets take a look at the contenders, Zoe the Liarhead has looked like the rock up to the point where she looses it and we have 4. Rob the Needy is next to go when he tries to distract his competition by cheating, a wise move but yet another in a long line of doomed plans. Tammy the Boring goes in next as she succumbs to the fact she really doesn’t need to win anyway. Our final two are the unlikely duo of Kathy the Paranoid Target, and John the Dork God (I’m not touching the hat, but what was he thinking!!!). Eventually John the Klutz decides to reach down and touch the platform for no apparent reason. OMG OMG OMG, KATHY WINS, KATHY WINS, KATHY WINS! Geesh I guess there must be something to pizza, beer, and one night stands after all!

Just when you thought you had seen it all, and were expecting yet another round of Snicker bug eating commercials, it ain’t over yet! Cut to the camp and Rob the Mad with an ABM at his side takes the war to the enemy the battle is engaged with John the Liar God. Curse words fly, and fly some more, at one point I think there were more bleeps than words and the body blows landed on both sides. However the discomfort of all those witnessing the battle is to the point of distraction. Then the battle heats up as Rob the Pesky challenges the not so innocent General Pink into uttering these infamous words, “I made no alliances, I’m true to me. I’m the Pink General and that is that!” Pssst! Hey Robbie do you realize they tape these things? This above all to thine own self be true, and all you and your buddy Zoe have proven is your both liars, and spineless ones at that.

We end with ABM in a quiet and contemplative mood where he tells us to our horror (given what we just saw him do), “5 years ago I would have pushed John’s lying ass into the fire for what he did to me and my man Rob, but I’m not angry any more.” Mr. Sean, well I don’t want to burst your bubble here, but some people might think you have a problem with your anger, and maybe you need to seek a refund on those anger management classes you took cause I’m not sure they worked.

Whew! Now we get to eat bug filled snickers! What fun!

Day 21 – Looser Lodge

Sarah dressed to the nine’s saunters onto the deck. Hunter and Gina making out on one side. Gabe and Jimmy making out on the other. Pat in the center is fuming and making hateful stares towards Gina.

“It’s the big night! Hunter? What does Wanda say?”

Hunter taking a moment to breath looks up and grins, “looks good Sarah”.

Gina smiles too. “I’m happy for you Sarah, it’s good to have someone your compatible with!” Grins knowingly at Hunter.

Steam rising from Pat’s ears, but before she has an opportunity to speak Gabe interjects, “anyone seen Pete?”

The old Mara tribe stares at one another then in unison, “nope.”

Night 21 – Tribal Council

One last showdown, this should be good. What’s this a rule change? Kathy can donate the IC necklace to a friend. Oh wow that might come in handy if you wanted to move the target off of your buddy and onto you. Nice rule change MB, I think it’s a keeper (heavy eye rolls)! Come on Jeffy give them the hard questions. First off Kathy, you want to give up your immunity to save someone? “No way in hell Jeff I balanced my ass off for this thing”, she replies. A mostly softball to Veesus, who says I love everyone but it won’t stop me from voting your sorry ass out of here. Another obvious one for ABM, who rightly believes he’s a target *yawn*. Come on Jeff give me something to work with here! Zoe, ah this could be fun after all everyone seems to want to pick a fight with her of late. Ouch another bold face lie, and again not a very convincing one at that! Now were rolling a quotable set up for Pinkie, “I’ll never do anything to compromise my values. My word is all I got.” Oh so that’s the reason you felt compelled to take Rob’s bait and dig a hole for yourself. Nice move Robby! On to John woo hoo another play with integrity speech, geesh I wonder if any of these people have ever heard of throwing rocks in a glass house? Oh, Oh, Oh, here it is! The Rob question, come on Jiffy let him have it! “Have you lied?” he asks, “Yes” he replies. Well, well Rob you're going to leave tonight, but somehow I think you might have changed the course of the game and you did something else by being the unabashed rouge liar that you are, you will be remembered unlike many who will finish ahead of you. Final votes to save the suspense and get this thing posted tonight, Neleh, Paschal, Robert, Tammy, John, and Judas Vee all vote for Rob. Rob and Sean vote for John. Kathy making good on her “I’ll never write that persons name” votes for Zoe the Terrible Liar. My work here is almost done.

Looser Lodge – Later that night

Rob dirty and tired wanders up path. On his way he sees a broken picture frame with a slightly damaged picture of Peter in it. Picks it up and shrugs flips it off the trail, and continues up the stairs. Sarah standing there to great him, Gabe disinterested in the back, Hunter and Gina “retired” for the evening, and Momma pounding Coors Lights. Rob with a gleam in his eye and a new found love for the older woman grins to himself and says “hey this ain’t so bad”.

Tune in next week when Neleh uses two of her of her three lines on the new “curse” words “Golly Gee” and “Oh Shucks”, Zoe lies some more for good measure, and someone becomes I the Jury.

Now let us close with The Rob’s final comments

“I hope nobody takes the sexist hateful cruel and mean things I said to their faces too seriously. Not that I didn’t mean them just I that is the kind of person I am, joking around and in general trying to manipulate those people around me. Hey what can I say I get off to screwing people over, oh and while you’re up could you get me another beer?”

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