Night 6 at Camp Maraamu, having returned from Tribal Council where they voted off Mama. Gina and Sarah have dutifully gotten into their bikinis for night-cam ratings boosting, and they've all gathered around the campfire in order to talk it out. Vee says it can't be business as usual, but I thought this was business as usual for these guys.

Sarahpatra starts in with the griping, she's upset that no one woke her up. Wakey Wakey Wakey, Sarah! I have been wondering what might happen if she ever woke up, frankly. Great White Hunter (GWH) tells her she's being paranoid but she shouldn't be sensitive about it. I was occupied with laughing at his people skills and missed the next little bit. Then Gina told Sarah how award winning her performance at tribal council turned out to be. Thank you, Gina, how right you were. Then Malcolm Sean said they have a lack of communication, a lack of respect.

SEAN: When you're not communicating to people it's a form of disrespect!

Okay, I can get behind that. And we can easily substitute "not pulling your share of the work" for "communicating," I'd say. Gina points out in confession that Sean and Sarah get upset if you ask them to do anything.

GINA: I don't know what kind of communication they want, maybe telecommunication.

Watermelon Queen, you got that one so right, too bad you didn't realize it at the time. Then GWH complained about all the complaining, then it became about pepperoni pizza somehow. Did they settle anything there? I must have missed it if they did.

Day 7 at Camp Rotu, rise and shine time for the Love Tribe. Unfortunately, Fashion Disaster Kathy is the first one up, out sitting by the fire and looking oh so miserable. Weather Girl Tammy fills us in, the night was wet and windy, they all suffered. So, of course, the first order of business for the day became fixing up the shelter some more, they all got busy at it like the good Lovers they are. Yawn!

Then Teddy Gabe went to confessional and gave a pep rally speech. Um, Gabe, shouldn't you do that when the rest of the Lovers can hear you? Just asking. Hey, somehow it turns out he even likes Kathy now, she's come around! Then came the big kiss between Kathy and Robert. Aw, wasn't that sweet. In celebration the Love Tribe then sacrificed a sock to the tribal fire. I know, weird, but that's what happened.

Old Judge Paschal then got in confessional and started talking about how Neleh (pronounced ne-lee-uh for some odd Mormon reason) is the camp mascot. Turns out she's been nicknamed Swee'pea, and the judge has been nicknamed Popeye in return. Next thing you know Robert will be Blutto and John will be Wimpy, this is what passes for interesting on Nuku Hiva.

Cut to shark in the water, then Wimpy got into the fishing snorkel in another desperate attempt to claim the provider position. Oops, Wimpy ran afoul of a sea urchin, came away with a bunch of stingers in his left hand, very painful. Finally, some real entertainment. Fortunately, Wimpy knows the cure for sea urchin poison is to pee on the stings, so he comes out of the surf panicky and requesting some golden. All the Lovers came running.

For a moment there it looked like Popeye would save the day, but much to John's chagrin he couldn't put out, so Kathy came to the rescue. That noise you heard was all of John's gay guy fans passing out and hitting the floor when John had to stick his hand you-know-where. None of us straights were overly thrilled with that scene either, I have to tell you. The good news is that John got the cure! And, even though Kathy couldn't possibly be someone to pull off a conversion, it seems somehow that she actually has shed the Bad Mama Strategy, now she's playing the Phyllis Diller Strategy. Thank God!

Over at Camp Maraamu it's time for the Morning Show Laugh Session, which so far is about the only thing these people have managed to not screw up. Hunter gave his Eye In The Sky Weather Report, combined with some Tarzan-like chest pounding, so I couldn't understand a word he said. Yeah, communication, that's the key, GWH. The Vee said the rain flushed out all the tension in the tribe. Well, okay, if you say so.

Then it was call-in time and the phone banks all lighted up. Rob the Builder decided it was time to gripe about the nono bugs, which are worse than mosquitos and tiny as fleas and all over Camp Maraamu. Serious lot of biting going on here and MB decided to show us the proof, bikinis and all.

VECEPIA: I hear a rumor there are two types of nonos, white and black. Which are you being bitten by?
HUNTER: I think I'm being bitten by the black ones.

Oh, and Malcolm Sean got all over that one!

SEAN: It's ludicrous, it's a conspiracy! The black nonos get blamed for all the bad ones!

For once I have to side with the guy, I doubt if Hunter could see the white ones against his own skin, and that was some decent and humorous social commentary there.

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Awhile later Jiffy showed up on the launch and dumped some bamboo in the water. Good, something has to happen now. Jiffy explains to the Maraamus that they have to build a raft for the next reward challenge, they can use the bamboo, the rope it's tied with, anything else they can figure out to use. Then Jiffy left to go dump the same news on the Lovers. So, of course, the Nonos all stood around, looking at the bamboo, waiting for it to telecommunicate to them how to build a raft. And they stood there and stood there.

At the Lovers Camp they got their raft supplies and got straight to work, but then Blutto gashed open the big toe on his left foot, caught it on a rock. This was a very ugly wound but fortunately Nurse Wimpy was on hand to attend to it, and equally fortunately there was no need for golden for this one. I was actually impressed as Wimpy put his actual expertice to work, again, and with how Blutto withstood the pain. I mean, he squirmed a bit, and when Wimpy cut off the big ugly bit of dead skin he nearly broke, but this was some serious stuff! Then Blutto got up afterward and walked it off like it was nothing. Wow! Well, it was his clutch foot not his accelerator foot, not like he really needs it.

Teddy Gabe took charge of the raft building, Captain Zoe explained they were going for a Kon-Tiki raft, and I do have to say these guys really put in the work and played well together. Really, some very decent construction going on. MB finally found a bartender with some real smarts.

Over at Camp Nono they decided to construct their raft in the water so Sarahpatra could save her energy for the challenge. They had a typically unproductive raft-building discussion, though, because they still can't figure out how to make the telecommunication thing really work for them. GWH had a confessional moment I couldn't quite follow, and then they got busy making their raft. Malcolm Sean managed to get the job of sitting on the bamboo, testing its buoyancy, because there ain't no way this guy is going to put out any effort for Great White Hunter.

In confessional Sean revealed that he was trying to telecommunicate to the others that Hunter was there to play the game, like as if that wasn't apparent anyway. Is it any wonder the signals are getting crossed?

Then Rob the Builder revealed that he's really 100% like Hunter but he's playing smart in order to back in on his mistakes. Somehow, in the midst of all this, they did manage to construct a respectable raft.

Meanwhile, Lover Wimpy decided to go snorkel-fishing again, and got himself bit by an eel, this time on the right hand. Another serious wound, and this time even the fingernail got it as well! Stick to being the nurse, Wimpy, you're destroying yourself by trying too hard! Tammy said he panicked and nearly cried, she's so desperate for anything to report. Then Wimpy nearly passed out.

TAMMY: Things change just like that out here.

Note to future contestants, it's always good for getting air-time to repeat one of MB's mottos.

Meanwhile, back at Camp Nono, on closer inspection their raft looks somewhat lazy, which is perfectly fitting since they've decided it is time for a break, with Sean floating in the water singing/chanting something. Hunter complains again that he's camping with a bunch of kids, then MB threw in another ratings-boosting shot of boobs. Hunter complains that the complaining is driving him crazy but he won't communicate anything about that. Real smart there, GWH. Then Sean said he hates the food and Rob offered him some more grapefruit, then GWH explained raft strategy. Then it was challenge time, finally.

At the challenge course Jiffy explained that they have to race on their rafts, because they probably hadn't figured that out when he explained it to them all before. They have to collect up their tribal-colored buoyboxes, first tribe to cross the finish line with all their buoyboxes win. Reward is the winners choice, they either can have blankets and pillows and lanterns ... or rice. What, no spices! Man, what a choice.

Further explanation, the courses crisscross for good old Survivor type hilarity, and the Lovers get to sit out two since they're so far ahead in this thing. Swee'pea and Popeye are elected as the sit-out cheerleaders, and then the race commenced!

Stroke Stroke Stroke! Now, that was an original chant. Neck and neck, the Lovers and the Nonos both got to buoybox #1, then managed to crisscross without incident to go on to the next buoybox. Hey, Sarahpatra can't seem to find the water with her paddle, will they never wake her up! Oops, then they collided on the second crisscross, but unfortunately neither raft just decided to sink, serious bamboo telecommunication being attempted here.

And on they go. Sean can't seem to get all of his paddle in the water, either, but somehow the Nonos manage to keep up with the Lovers. Then, at box 4, the Nonos screw up, don't get close enough, so Tarzan Hunter goes into the drink and dives down like the hero he is! They lose time, though, which they try to make up, even though Malcolm Sean and Sarahpatra still can't seem to find the water, and then the Lovers win with Swee'pea and Popeye cheering them on! GWH is mad as sin as the Lovers collect the blankets and stuff, but Sarah saves the day by striking a swimsuit model pose for the cameras, it is the one thing she actually is good at. For those keeping score, that's M 0, R 4.

In case you missed that, later at the Nono Camp the Vee explained:

VECEPIA: We have four L's, four BIG L's! We need a W bad, We've got four L's, it's not a good thing.

Typically, Hunter doesn't have the heart to communicate or telecommunicate what he thinks the problem is, that they aren't working as a team in any way whatsoever at all. Wake Up, GWH, you need to mention that! Nope, he doesn't, so Sean goes on about how he so wanted the rice, he'd rather get into scat than keep eating what they have at Camp Nono. That was when I hit the mute button for a bit, after the golden at Camp Lovers I'd had enough.

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Yadayadayada, onto the immunity challenge. The tribes arrived at the challenge beach and Jiffy was there to explain the ((yawn)) get the coconut marbles into the hole through the maze challenge. This one is so lame that the Nonos are practically sure of a win, and they even get to sit one out, so they pick Gina. The Lovers sit out Blutto, Wimpy and Weather Girl, and then the game commenced!

Vee calls first for the Nonos, Teddy Gabe calls first for the Lovers, and the Nonos take the early lead due to Teddy Gabe's penchant for endlessly repeating "stop" a few hundred times. After the Nonos get the first coconut in the bag Sleepy Sarah takes over for Vee as the caller. Gabe finally gets the coconut in the bag and Popeye takes over as the Lovers' caller, but they are seriously behind now. The Nonos are actually seeming to communicate here, Sarahpatra gets the second stage done and Rob the Builder takes over as their new caller! After a bit Popeye comes through and Captain Zoe takes over as the final caller for the Lovers. It's looking like the Nonos may actually win one for a change!

Wait, Rob the Builder freezes up, he can't handle the stress! Oh my Gawd, Captain Zoe knows her ropes and screams her team through the maze. Hey, Rob, what kind of construction guy doesn't know about pullies and things, why are you letting this lobster catcher show you up!? Rob grabs his head, he can't think, and so the Lovers grab their fifth W! Rotu celebrates capturing the immunity idol again and ensuring us all of another week of Phyllis Diller Strategy, Hunter and his Nonos just look soooooo sad! These pathetic dweebs couldn't win the S.O.S. game to save thier lives! Well, maybe if the pilot was telepathic... Nah, they'd probably lose even with every possible advantage. The Nonos are going to another Tribal Council, and they still haven't managed to wake up Sarah.

Later, back at Camp Nono, Hunter accidentally bops Gina in the head, but no real injury results from it since she's not in the Love Tribe yet. And then the boot discussions start up with Hunter saying if Rob the Builder wants a strong team he would be a fool to boot off either himself or Gina, the worker bees. So they have to go after lazy Sean. Rob admits to GWH that he's thought of Sean as a lazy loudmouth but he likes the guy, he's a pretty good person. No, Rob, you had it right to begin with, don't waffle!

Oh, but then in confessional Rob the Builder took off his mask and revealed himself to be the Robfather:

"It's important for me to have people on my team who will do what I tell them to do, and not know that I'm telling them to do it."

Sean asked Rob how he really feals about Sarahpatra and Rob basically admitted that he's playing her, he's just playing the game, and MB took that opportunity to throw in another ratings-grabbing shot of her amazing rack.

"Doesn't matter if my team is stronger physically, or even stronger mentally, but just that they obey!"

Then we got a distractional bit about Rob telling Sarahpatra that Malcolm Sean isn't good in the water, but we were all oogling her boobs anyway.

"It's all on how smart these people are. If they realize, if they need you, that's what'll keep them loyal. Right! Fear, basically, it's a tough principle but fear keeps people loyal. If they're afraid they have something to lose then they'll do what you tell them to do."

Sure, Robby, sure. Personally, if I were one of those Nonos the only thing I would fear would be that the Robfather would keep on blowing the immunity challenges for the team, but you lucked into this one since they're all such pathetic dweebs. And then they were off to Tribal Council.

Jiffy couldn't contain himself, big HAHAHAHA!! grin on his face as he started the traditional Q&A with these Maraamus for the third straight time, Five Big L's! Jiffy loved every second of it, and Sarahpatra somehow managed to not stick her big flea-bitten foot in her mouth again. Robfather managed to skate past the question designed to point out that he always manages to lose the immunity challenges for them, by blaming it on bad luck. Then Vee gave a pep rally answer, then Malcolm Sean went on about how he hates losing, he's sick of it, and then they finally went to vote! Geez, the intensity!

As he read the votes Jiffy actually managed to prove himself an actual actor by stifling the grin and pretending a grim look on his face, and I have to say I don't know how he managed to pull that one off! Sarahpatra collected her usual votes, no surprise, but it was Great White Hunter's turn to take the walk of shame, and the looks he exchanged with the Robfather were priceless.

As his final words GWH said:

"I really don't understand the logic behind it right now, but hey you got me. I was camping with a bunch of knuckleheads, and I'll tell you that to your face when I see you again. And I will phone the Red Cross and let them know where you guys are so that you can be airlifted out of there after you die of starvation and dehydration after the next couple of days. Hang in there, Gina. I wish you guys the best of luck out there."

Thanks, Hunter, that was the best one of those since Debb. Now do yourself a favor and go rent the best movie ever made.