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SURVIVOR III EPISODE SUMMARIES
EPISODE 11: "A Visit From Saint Probst" - By 'Naked'

A D V E R T I S E M E N T
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
'Twas two days after Christmas
And on the safari,
Not a survivor was moving
Because of dysentery.

Lex and Ethan went down
To fetch some tree mail,
Both looking tired and worn out,
This game's gone to hell.

A diary they found,
And within it a clue.
What amazed all of them was
Lex could read -- Yes, it is true !!!

"You think you know them, and that they know you.
It's time to find out if that really is true.
For the winner, a prize that takes you away,
But that is just the beginning of an unforgettable day."

Off they went running,
Off to visit Saint Probst,
Where a TV awaited
To see who loved them the most.

Tom’s wife was “riding a stud”
Since Tom was away.
The horse had a lot of resemblance
To Tom, I must say.

MamaKim’s family
Was as boring as her.
They didn’t say anything worthwhile,
I’ll have to concur.

Theresa’s family was there-
Husband, kids and her Dad.
But seeing the Mother she would slap
Kind of made me feel sad.

Kim Powers was shaking
In an epileptic kind of way.
Saint Probst was drooling
When he had this to say.

Lex’s family was on,
And what shocked us the most,
Were no tattoos on the kids-
But some on his wife, who played “host.”

When the families quit yapping,
Every eye but Ethan’s had a tear.
He had to keep watching the Flag,
To make sure it didn’t disappear.

On to the Newlywed Game,
And each family was questioned.
Making Whoopie was never an answer
But Kim Powers got “naked.”

In the end, Tattoo Mama knew Tattoo Man the best,
So Lex won an adventure and looked at his friend.
“I could be partying down with a babe,
But I’ll take Tom instead….”

The reward was quite lovely:
Planes, Hotels, Trucks, and Balloons.
Big Tom got drunk
And acted like a buffoon
I guess Jeff isn’t that rich-
Only one bed to a room.
Did anyone get Jeff’s card number?
We can clean him out soon.

Before Tom could climb a tree again,
It was on to a crucial IC.
Sticks and hanging pots to break,
Ethan and Lex would smoke pot (with glee).

When all the pots where shattered,
Only one man stood tall.
Around Tommy’s neck
Was that Immunity Shawl.
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
A D V E R T I S E M E N T

I’ll vote for Lex!
I'll vote for Lex too!
Was the shout that rang out
From this African Zoo.

Tribal Council came,
And Brandon wore a nice dress.
Kelly’s looking quite fine,
I’ll have to confess.
I guess the mothership left-
Frank looked depressed.

Saint Probst asked them questions;
Lex tried to not look bored.
The outcome was certain
Three days before.

So they lined up and voted;
Only T’s vote did we see.
“I’ll miss you,” said Lex,
“But you're not beating me.”

Saint Probst read the votes
One by one at the stand.
Lex,Lex, KimP, KimP, Clarence? Who voted for Clarence?
And Tom raised his hand.

And then the last vote
Came out of the jar.
Kim P, you are leaving-
Would you like a cigar?

So the Pagonging continues,
It looks like MB’s show he can’t steer.
So to all a good night,
And a HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!

Naked

******************************
Addendum (courtesy of dangerkitty):

In addition to poetry, our appreciation for this episode extends into prose. What did we love about thee? Let us count the ways...

Ethan during the family video RC: His most embarassing moment was when he was getting ready for the prom and the curling iron got stuck in his hair??? Ummmmmmm......what? You know, this could be what ended his pro soccer career -- though I admire his courage in admitting that he has a closet Brandon in his personality ... no wonder there weren't any sparks between Ethan and Kelly. Oh, and how about when the video from home first started, when he said on international TV that his mom was drunk. A loving son ... NOT!

Tom's family in the video: OMG <click>, now that was a laugh riot! Just when we think that Tom is one-of-a-kind, it turns out there is a whole family tree of him. And what did his son say that he's been doing while Tom was gone? "Same ol' thing, herdin' goats and chasing a little beaver." Um...can he say that during prime time? Of course, the son probably doesn't have to worry about anyone taking offense; any young woman with brains and self-respect would clear out of those parts at her earliest opportunity. And then we have Tom's wife: "I've been riding this here stud a lot, since you're not around." Oooookkaaaaaayyy... haven't there been scenes like that in a couple of XXX-rated movies?

Visa: JiffyProbe gives Lex his own actual Visa card! Yeah, right. What we actually have is a shameless superfluous plug when they run "Jeff's card" through the credit-card thingy at the resort. And they give us a nice close-up of the card number -- hey, it's 4000 1234 5678 9010!! Every bit as realistic as the 555-xxxx telephone numbers that crop up in TV shows. Why bother in the first place? Jeesh.

The reward challenge itself was breathtaking and far and away the best African footage of the trip. Tom wasn't the only one who felt like Marlon Perkins. Baby elephants, lion prides hunting down a wildebeest, hippos ... but can you imagine if Mutual of Omaha Insurance had stooped to the same level that Visa did? "You too could end up like this wildebeest, surrounded by hungry lions -- why not protect your loved ones' future before it's too late?" Or, better yet, "Is Ross and Rachel's baby a threat to your financial security? Why not call one of our agents for a plan to help prevent your next production from turning into The (Pa)Gong Show?" Oops, too late for that one...
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Tom at the reward: Hoo boy, where do I start? You saw it, there isn't much more to be said. Just this: lamb for dinner. Tom was quite excited about the "sheep" and asked for more "sheep" ... I don't think that it was the food he was talking about, do you? Give Tom a sheep and some bourbon, and his wife won't be the only one bleating.

I also couldn't help but think, what if this had been the reward that Frank and Brandon won together? I'd give anything to see the look on Frank's face when he spotted the one double bed. Especially if Brandon had been dressed in a skirt, as he was at TC!

In fact, there are a number of combinations from this show for which sleeping arrangements would have been mighty interesting. But it's easy to spot why Ethan wasn't invited: there wasn't a curling iron handy.

Brandon at TC: You know what I'm saying. Was that his skirt or Kelly's? And I did try to rationalize it as being some cultural homage - um, naaahh. Seems that it had to be for poor Frank's "benefit."

MamaKim at TC: "I've handled myself in the game the same way I run my life." Now that's a scary thought. MK breaking pots in the kitchen when she's trying to make herself a meal, MK giving her kids the wrong answers on their homework, MK promising her husband that the swelling in her legs will reach her breasts someday, MK coming along for the ride but never driving the car, MK at the pool in her thong bikini...oh, there's more...

Lex during TC: He couldn't help remarking about the "walk of shame", thus endearing himself even more to both the current and the future jury. Did you see the three jurors reaction to that little turn of phrase? Oh, and we also got to see Lex, like Brandon and Silas before him, express his desire to be the "last person standing" -- uh, Lex, that hasn't worked out so well for the others, has it?

Tom during TC: OK, so they couldn't vote him out because of his pot-smashing skills, but "cheeseburger" as the thing he misses most from home? Not his family? After an RC in which he said he had no fears, while his wife thought that he'd be afraid of something happening to his son? Yeah, he'd better get ready to spend some more time with the goats, 'cause he may be living in the barn when he gets back.

Next time on Survivor: Lex has more gut trouble. T's hubby may show up as part of the RC (at least we'll be spared "Oedipus Tex II"); maybe Brandon will loan T a skirt to wear for the reunion. And an elephant that apparently had been watching the filming eloquently expresses everyone's thoughts about the show so far ... in the middle of the tribe's water supply.

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